On Motherhood

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.

When I was little, I was the little girl who would get lost in the imaginary world of motherhood. I LOVED to play with baby dolls, and not just one or two babies, I had a bunch of little ones.

At night, I needed to make sure each of my dolls was in bed with me. I needed them close, not only because they were a source of comfort, but what if there was a fire? I needed to make sure all of my babies were within arms reach so I could bring them to safety.

I guess I have always been somewhat of a worrier. And what is that they say about old habits, they die hard.

I also knew that I wanted more than one or two children. Growing up, it was just me and my younger brother, and as much I loved my little brother, I always thought it would have been fun to have a sister or an older brother as well. I think my brother felt the same way as when he was preschooler he had an imaginary brother who lived in Florida; I think his name was Joe.

Or maybe I was just brainwashed into wanting a larger family; after all my favorite TV shows growing up included: The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, The Waltons, and Eight is Enough. While those families had their struggles, they always seemed so close. With an overabundance of kids, came an overabundance of activity and love.

As I grew older, my desire for a truck load of kids dwindled somewhat. 3 or 4 seemed like a much more manageable number than my original wish of six. After all, Mrs. Brady had her Alice, Mama Walton had Grandma and Grandpa to help out, Mrs. Partridge had that cool job that enabled her to work and take care of her kids, and Mr. Bradford (wasn't that the Eight is Enough dad's name?) seemed to have older kids who pretty much took care of themselves and him. It wasn't lost on me that kids meant work :)

I look back on that little girl dreaming of motherhood and think that she didn't have a clue what she was in for.

The thought of losing children never crossed her mind.

The thought of having a child who was disabled never crossed her mind.

The words prenatal testing, biological clock, abortion, and Down syndrome were not even in her vocabulary.

She didn't worry about paying for college, or sibling rivalry, or finding the time to make sure everyone's needs were met.

She didn't really consider how a husband and his needs and plans would play into the whole picture. Maybe she just figured he'd be like all of those TV dads who made it look so easy...even when it was hard.

I wonder what that little girl, the one who thought she would be done having her three or four kids by the time she was thirty would think of the 43 year old woman she has become.

The woman who has three beautiful children.

The woman who aches at times for the two babies who died inside of her.

The woman who is 43 and has a 4 year old...who has Down syndrome.

The woman who is married to a man who has held her hand and traveled this road of parenthood with her, even when this road, at times, has taken them through hell.

I wonder if she knew then what I know now, would her plans have changed? Would she have had her children earlier? Would she have wanted less children, more children, no children? Unlike the choice I made, would she have chosen to put her career ahead of being mother?

Being a mother and wife is who I am. Dare I say it defines me? I no longer work outside of the home. For the most part, my life revolves around my family, and I honestly, wouldn't want it any other way.

Motherhood

That is my trade.

It is the source of my greatest joy....yet at times, the cause of my greatest sorrows.

It challenges me...yet comforts me.

It humbles me...yet is the source of such pride.

It exhausts me...yet rejuvenates me.

It is complex...yet so simple.

Raising children. Seeing them grow, nurturing them, loving them. It requires ever tool in the book.

Patience, laughter, love, compassion, understanding, negotiation...all tricks of the trade.

Sometimes it helps to stop and remember what it was like when you were a chid, remember those innocent, little girl dreams.

Remember the ones that came true and the ones that have yet been fulfilled. Remember what it was like to be innocent of all of the bad things that can happen.

As a mother, I encourage my children to dream big dreams

All the while, helping them develop the tools they will need when life doesn't turn out exactly as they might have planned.

Motherhood has taught me that planning helps, but at the end of the day, sometimes, despite, your well laid plans, things can all fall apart.

Meltdowns are inevitable.

All you can do is take a deep breath.

Hold on to your children and remember.

It's all about the love.

Motherhood has made me a teacher and a student in the lessons of life

Oddly, the lessons I try to teach are sometimes the exact lessons that I am learning from my children.

And at the end of the day, be it an awesome, happy, incredible day or a tiring, horrible day

It is all about the love.

And thanks to my children and their father, my life as a mom is filled with an abundance of love.

Happy Belated Mother's Day

I